The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
