Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
