I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
