My brain says no but my pants say off.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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