I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
