Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
