im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
