Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
