On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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