A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize