dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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