You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
