i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
