i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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