New low: just hacked my moms facebook
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
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