Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
