i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
