can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
