I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
