the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
