its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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