Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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