There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
