dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
