Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
