wakey wakey hands off snakey
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Use "feeling words"
Yay
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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