When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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