just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
