okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Semen is not good for contacts.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
