so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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