Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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