Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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