I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
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