In the future we'll all be gay
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Randomize
