why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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