so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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