You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
