these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
