This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
