Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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