New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
