My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Randomize
