We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
