so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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