spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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