So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
you never un-have a 4some
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Help. Why am I so naked?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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