I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
cat food counts as protein by the way
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
