I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
