Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize