i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
