Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
