so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
