i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
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I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
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All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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