billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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