New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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