So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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