He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
