I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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