I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
