I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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