Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
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I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
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She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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