I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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