Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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