sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
