I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
