JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
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when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
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Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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