you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
