i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
