I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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